You know that old warning — “People will talk.”
It’s usually said as though it’s a tragedy. But the truth? It’s a bit of a compliment, isn’t it, darling?
People only talk about those who move, shine, build, and dare. The rest are merely spectators. The real art lies not in avoiding gossip, but in handling it so gracefully that it becomes irrelevant.
This week’s episode of Awkward Etiquette: Old Money & New Manners explores the etiquette of reputation — how to navigate whispers, shade, and scrutiny with composure. Think of it as the pep talk from your slightly scandalous Auntie who’s been there, done that, and turned it into a novel.
Why People Fear Gossip — and Why They Shouldn’t
I grew up in a world where people guarded their reputations like rare jewels. And in a way, they were right — a good reputation can take generations to build and only moments to destroy.
But I’ve also realized people often protect the wrong things. They confuse poise with perfection, silence themselves out of fear of being misunderstood, and mistake good PR for good character.
When I began writing romance novels — the steamy, old-money-aesthetic kind — I faced more social turbulence than a jet landing in a Nantucket nor’easter. But like Constance in my novel Low Season in St. Tropez, I simply adjusted my sails.
My reputation isn’t about universal approval. It’s about consistency, kindness, and answering my emails.
Kiki’s Quiet Rules of Reputation
- Never rush to correct a rumor.
Old money knows urgency reads as guilt. Let truth travel at its natural pace — it always arrives, impeccably dressed and fashionably late. - Don’t defend — demonstrate.
When someone questions your integrity, skip the statement. Just behave impeccably. Consistency is your best rebuttal — etiquette is reputation insurance. - Defuse gossip elegantly.
When someone brings up a scandal, sigh and say, “Oh yes, I’ve always found them terribly fascinating,” and glide on. You’ve dismissed the topic without sanctimony — and protected your own good name. - Always have one calm sentence ready.
If someone’s unkind, your armor is composure:
- “I’m sure you didn’t mean it that way.”
- “How terribly kind of you to notice.”
Or simply: a faint smile. (Self-control is the best beauty tip, and far cheaper than Botox.)
- Guard your mystique.
Old money doesn’t overshare. Mystery invites curiosity, not scrutiny.
Modern Rules, Darling
- Never post in anger.
- Never explain your choices publicly.
- Never weaponize kindness — it loses its magic.
- And please, write thank-you notes. They’re the social equivalent of a seatbelt.
Reputation isn’t about perfection; it’s about poise under pressure. Grace is a long game.
So the next time someone whispers about you, smile. They’ve just confirmed you’re worth mentioning.