There’s something I must get off my chest, darling — and I suspect my ancestors are applauding from the great drawing room in the sky.
The modern potluck, with its mismatched Tupperware and questionable casseroles, is not “community.” It’s culinary democracy run amok.
I know, I know — people mean well. But in the golden age of entertaining, one didn’t outsource taste. There was coherence, intention, and one hostess with a point of view. Entertaining wasn’t about excess — it was about edit. One table. One mood. One story told beautifully through food, light, and conversation.
That’s the heart of this week’s episode of Awkward Etiquette: Old Money & New Manners. It’s my most storytelling-heavy yet — a love letter to old money entertaining and a gentle tirade against the tyranny of the potluck.
The Old Money Philosophy of Entertaining
Old money entertaining is not about impressing — it’s about curating. Whether you’re serving oysters Rockefeller or roast chicken from Trader Joe’s, what matters is coherence.
Even in my novels, the women who host well understand this principle.
- Constance Morgan in Low Season in St. Tropez sets a chic Thanksgiving table in Miami — all muted linen, dry martinis, and grace under pressure.
- Lucrezia in Service Entrance manages a luncheon going up in flames with poise and a smile that could melt crystal.
- And in Villa for Rent on St. Barts, the recipes (many of them mine — or yours, dear readers) prove that elegance on a budget is the real luxury.
So no, darling — we don’t need a potluck. We need a point of view.
Auntie Kiki’s Autumn Salvation: Stuffed Cabbage à la Kiki
When in doubt, I turn to the sort of dish that looks grand, tastes like a dream, and costs less than two overpriced lattes in Montecito.
This one — a mélange of French practicality, Julia Child wisdom, and Mimi Thorisson sensibility — is my answer to potluck panic.
Ingredients:
- 1 head Savoy cabbage (essential — find it early!)
- 1 lb. ground beef (or chicken/turkey)
- 1 lb. ground pork
- 1 large onion, finely chopped
- 2 carrots, finely diced
- 2 garlic cloves, minced
- ½ cup crushed tomatoes
- A splash of red wine (optional, but highly recommended)
- Several sprigs of thyme
- ½ tsp French four spice (pepper, cloves, nutmeg, ginger — Rabelais spice)
- Butter, kosher salt, and black pepper
- 1 large egg
Method:
In true French fashion, we start several days in advance. Freeze the entire cabbage, then thaw — the leaves will peel off like silk. (You may blanch, but why suffer?)
Sauté onion, carrot, and garlic in butter. Add meats, thyme, spices, salt, pepper, tomatoes, and that indulgent splash of wine. Simmer until nearly dry. Cool slightly, then stir in the egg.
Butter a deep cake pan or Dutch oven (Le Creuset if you’re flush, HomeGoods dupe if you’re nouveau pauvre). Line with cabbage leaves, fill with meat, layer with butter between leaves, and top elegantly.
Bake at 350°F for 40 minutes. Flip confidently onto a plate, and voila — a pale green dome that smells like Paris in winter and tastes like a family secret.
Serve with good wine to someone interesting. A potluck would never.
A Few Final Notes from Auntie Kiki
- Entertaining doesn’t require a private chef — just forethought.
- Coherence is more elegant than abundance.
- And nothing — nothing — is more gracious than making your guests feel relaxed.