In case you think I’m an absolute monster, however, I do admit that even I would watch cats playing in luxury boxes.


The least Old Money thing on the internet (in my opinion)


Here’s a little rant from your Auntie Kiki:

This may be an unpopular opinion, darling, but we can be honest with each other, can’t we?

 I detest unboxing videos.

They remind me of when I gave my toddlers those lovely wooden European toys for Christmas, and then, they ended up preferring the box.

In my opinion, these videos reflect the worst sort of conspicuous consumption. Worse than even logo covered clothing. You’re basically glorifying the branding of an overpriced luxury label. When I see people excitedly pointing out the envelope the receipt is placed in, I inwardly groan. You do realize that the cost of that fabulous paper was multiplied by a hundred and added to the cost of that Chanel bag you just treated yourself to, don’t you?

What are people really saying in these unboxing videos?

“Oh, look, don’t you want to see my gift to self?”

“I’m so blessed, I can afford expensive things.”

“What did my sugar daddy buy me?”

“Someone bought me this as a gift. I’m valuable.”

“Pricey baubles are my love language!”

“This is the meaning of success!”

Why do people watch unboxing videos?

Is it the dopamine rush? The pleasure of feeding your oh so human need for vicarious prestige? And then there’s the whole sensory stimulation part. The tapping of the fingers on the box, the paper sounds, shh shh shh… And we don’t even have to own the item.


But wait, what’s this? Envy? FOMO? Why can’t I afford this? I deserve a Louis Vuitton dog carrier, too, you think.  In case it makes you feel better, darling, the Louis Vuitton dog carrier is very poorly made. I promise.


I don’t know, maybe I’m just a sociopath, darling. I don’t find this whole genre entertaining the least. I feel like it’s poorly done showing off. It’s prestige adjacent. What are you, a cat? If you’re so excited about a cardboard box, I can send you one, darling. In fact, please do film your unboxing of my book, right out of its lovely Amazon box. Heck, if you think it will help sell more copies, I can even wrap my book in Hermes orange paper, or Tiffany blue, or Louis Vuitton brown even, a sleek Chanel black…depending on your tastes, or on the book.


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